I’m not afraid anymore.. you hear me!?! I said, I’m not afraid anymore!

ok. I’m going to try this again. after months of talking about how much i love to write it seems a little silly that the one established outlet i have in place for said writing is actually not being utilized at all.

here's me, illustrating how contemplative i can be. believe me now?

here’s me, illustrating how contemplative i can be. 

I’m going to be brutally honest here- part of the reason why i haven’t been blogging is because I’m scared. scared of what people will think of me if i really word vomit my brain on these pages. scared that ill offend someone. scared that ill sound like an idiot and no one will want to be my friend anymore, and ill die alone surrounded by printouts of my offensive and relationship-destroying blog posts. the reality of the situation is that those are all stupid, horrible, self-limiting excuses, and id like to stop letting them stop me thankyouverymuch.

fear keeps us from doing so many things. its what keeps us in a shitty relationship, or slogging away at a job you hate. its what keeps us from being honest with the people we love, and what prevents the onward-and-upward movement we should all strive for in our lives. fear can be crippling.

the key is to figure out how to get fear out of the way, or at least how to shove it to the side for a moment so you can pop your head through the curtain and yell (a la Kevin McAllister)- “I’m not afraid anymore! You hear me, I’m not afraid anymore! (crucial point to make- do not run screaming back into your house like a 6 year old after you yell this.) be strong, you semi-competent adult person.

heres an example:

i recently quit my job. my super cool, fitness industry, lets work-hard-then-play-hard, wow look at that paycheck, omg i can wear yoga pants to work and have a 401k, 9 to 5 job. no, not to take some other more glamorous fitness industry role. so why then?

i quit because i need to figure out what the hell it is that id like to spend my time doing. my job was great in so many ways- but ultimately it was not part of the machine moving me towards whatever the hell it is i would ultimately like to end up in life. sounds kinda stupid and irresponsible, right? well, it was scary as hell to make that decision. this helped a little: The Upside of Quitting. growing a pair helped too (not a real pair, perv).

how did i get fear out of the way? i made a decision. and i told a lot of people about my decision. thats MY method for holding myself accountable. it worked when i made the impulsive decision to move to san francisco 2 years ago. i use my own weird safety in numbers method- basically, if i share my scary plan with a bunch of people, and then i back out, i look like an idiot. and what’s scarier than following through with a big, life changing decision? clearly in my mind its looking like an idiot. find your method- it might take a while, but it will help. ask people around you for help! the people you care about and that care about you WANT to see you succeed- they want to help you through these scary decisions- but you have to get over your fear of sharing with them first.

this is what goes through my brain a lot now:

Thanks to Good to Great, i have a template for figuring it out. now i just need to work on what goes in each bubble.

this may not be a food blog anymore. i might talk about serious things. i could start discussing politics, or economics, or religion. i probably won’t though.. lets be real, my brain only has a few shelves in it where i store all of the things i find interesting. music, food, sweat, adventures.. and not a whole lot else.

all that said, I’m going to go work out and then eat some food. and then maybe plan an adventure or two. whos in?

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3 thoughts on “I’m not afraid anymore.. you hear me!?! I said, I’m not afraid anymore!

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